Palin Rumored to Be Secret Muslim

There's been much rumor and speculation surrounding John McCain's vice presidential pick. Sarah Palin, a 44 year old former beauty queen has been called unqualified and unready to lead. It appears that new information has surfaced about the Alaska National Guard's commander-in-chief. This information courtesy of The Onion:

• An evening-gown-clad Palin personally drilled a clumsy but functional oil well during the talent portion of the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant
• Actually a Muslim
• A lower-back tattoo of Alaska can be seen when Palin wears low-riding jeans
• In addition to the five children that the media are aware of—Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig—Palin also has nine secret children: Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum

America's Finest News Source - indeed.